Family rituals are nice.
Secular families, like religious ones, need rituals in their lives to bond and grow in their understanding of their world. I’ll tell you about a wonderful Thanksgiving Day ritual for secular families.
It starts with the family sitting in a circle. Everyone is silent. At the right moment, someone pushes “play”. Everyone listens in solemn reverence to Arlo Guthrie’s recording, “The Thanksgiving Day Massacre”. It lasts 19 1/2 minutes. (We know this because of science. Scientists have found the blank portion of the Nixon White House tapes is exactly the same length as the “Massacre” song. Thus, it is obvious Nixon had “Massacre” on the his secret tape but erased it because he did not want anyone to know he listened to hippy music. ).
Following the Massacre song, all family members hold hands in the circle. They express thanks for mysterious and wonderful things that are beyond understanding. Because the source of some things is unknown, secularists turn to a famous television star for an inspirational expression of thanksgiving.
Together, they recite Homer Simpson’s famous prayer entitled, “Thank you, God, for Nuclear Power.”
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.